Learning How to Disagree Starts Earlier Than We Think

The idea for our next book didn’t come from a meeting, a headline, or a parenting podcast.

It came from a neighbor’s little girl.

She was about eight or nine years old, zooming around on roller skates in front of her house. Matteo and Antonio were outside too, one on a bike, the other on a scooter. She was chatty and friendly, narrating her entire day as she skated in circles.

At one point, she mentioned that her school had an assembly. The principal told the kids they were not allowed to talk about politics at school.

That stopped me in my tracks.

Eight-year-olds? Politics?

I asked her why that rule existed.

She shrugged and said, “People get really mad, I guess.”

And then she skated off, conversation over.

I didn’t press it, but the moment stuck with me.

When Did We Stop Teaching Kids How to Disagree?

We’ve all heard the rule: don’t talk about politics or religion.

But no one ever explains why.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized something uncomfortable. Maybe the reason those topics feel so explosive now is because we stopped teaching people how to disagree respectfully in the first place.

Avoidance doesn’t build understanding. It builds fear.

If children never practice hearing a different opinion and staying regulated, how are they supposed to do it later as teenagers or adults? If the only lesson they learn is “this topic makes people angry,” then anger becomes the expectation.

Disagreement itself isn’t the problem.

What is a problem is teaching kids that:

• Being wrong is shameful

• Having a different opinion makes you unsafe

• Strong feelings mean someone has to lose

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Everyone should be able to express it.

What’s not okay is making someone feel small for thinking differently or letting anger take over the conversation.

Those are skills. And skills can be taught.

This Is Where Matteo and Antonio Come In

That moment with our neighbor is what sparked our next book:

Matteo & Antonio Build a Castle: A Little Lesson in Disagreement

In the story, the boys are building a cardboard castle together. Matteo has a plan. Antonio has his own ideas. Neither is wrong. They just don’t match.

Frustration builds. Feelings get big. The castle falls apart.

And then something important happens.

They don’t magically agree.

They learn to listen.
They build side by side.
They realize that different ideas can exist in the same space.

The castle ends up a little crooked. A little mismatched.

And completely theirs.

Why This Matters

If we never want to hear from someone with a different point of view than our own, how do we grow?

How do we learn?

Teaching children how to navigate disagreement is how we move beyond ignorance, bullying, and violence. Pretending disagreement doesn’t exist or trying to avoid it entirely is often what creates those problems in the first place.

Kids don’t need to be shielded from differences.

They need guidance on how to handle them.

They need language for frustration.
They need models for listening.
They need to see that disagreement doesn’t mean disconnection.

Because when children learn that they can disagree and still belong, they carry that lesson with them for life.

And sometimes, the most important ideas come from a kid on roller skates who casually tells you, “People get really mad, I guess.”

That’s a lesson worth paying attention to.